In the second installment of our Marriage Series, we are joined by Dr. Toya—a board-certified OBGYN, Perinatal Mental Health Specialist, and Coach for Physician Moms—for an honest conversation on the pressures married couples face when you factor children into the equation.
When a high-stakes career meets the intense demands of parenthood, even the strongest relationship can slide into survival mode. Drawing on both her clinical expertise in perinatal mental health and her work coaching ambitious mothers, Dr. Toya breaks down what it takes to protect your union while building a demanding career and raising a family.
This episode explores why true partnership requires knowing who you are as an individual before you walk down the aisle, how the arrival of children rewires daily dynamics, and why balancing household roles is essential to prevent silent resentment. Dr. Toya also shares actionable tools to keep your spouse at the top of your priority list—even amid sleepless nights and busy schedules—and why lifelong commitment must be rooted in mutual growth.
About Dr. Toya
Dr. Toya is a board-certified OBGYN, Perinatal Mental Health Specialist, and founder of Dr. Toya Coaching, where she helps physician mothers navigate career, motherhood, and burnout. Drawing on over a decade in clinical medicine and her own postpartum journey, she equips high-achieving women with practical strategies and dedicated support to build a fulfilling life, not just a career.
When Dr. Toya had her second child, postpartum hit her like a freight train. She had been an OBGYN for over a decade—supporting women through pregnancy, postpartum, and everything in between—yet nothing prepared her for how brutal the transition felt as an ambitious, high-achieving professional. Despite “knowing better,” she found herself burning out for the third time. The common denominator was not just her personal drive, but how she had been trained as a physician: to sacrifice, to suffer, to silence her own needs, and to figure things out alone.
That experience inspired Dr. Toya to start coaching physician mothers through life’s biggest transitions, recognizing that no matter how smart or accomplished someone is, this season of life can take them out. Dr. Toya Coaching exists to offer what medical training never did: a plan for life, not just a career. Through personalized strategy, simple changes that actually work, and compassionate support, she helps clients finally catch their breath and thrive beyond survival mode.
Key Points
00:15 Introduction
1:40 How children can disrupt a marriage
2:25 Dr. Toya was indifferent to children
3:50 Dr. Nicole didn’t see marriage for herself
5:00 How Dr. Toya came around
7:50 Waiting before having kids
9:30 Balancing a new marriage and a career
12:20 Bad advice
14:00 Careers are a disruption for your career
15:00 The beliefs you bring into marriage
17:30 Trying to be everything to everyone
19:15 Figuring out who you are before you get married
20:00 Children need so much of you
21:45 You have to balance the roles
23:30 Taking a deeper look
25:30 You have to let your partner be present
28:00 You can’t be perfect and be supported at the same time
31:50 Being a mom is balancing your percentages
32:45 Sometimes you set up systems in your marriage
34:50 How to keep your partners in the top spot
36:40 Introspection is the first step
37:50 Identify what is important to you
38:40 Take care of yourself
40:55 Think about things from your partner’s perspective
42:00 You have to be committed to growth
44:05 The work of marriage is constant
45:30 Done is better than perfect
46:00 Outsource what you can
47:00 Outsourcing can mean your children as well
48:30 It just has to be good enough
49:55 Conclusion
Episode Resources
Follow Dr. Toya on Instagram @DrToyaOfficial
Follow Dr. Toya on Youtube @DrToyaCoaching
Dr. Toya’s Coaching Site Dr. Toya Coaching
Dr. Toya’s Podcast Stethoscopes and Strollers
Connect with Dr. Nicole
Follow the Podcast @theblackwomansconfidant
Follow Dr. Nicole on Instagram @drnicolepsych
Follow Dr. Nicole on Facebook Dr. Nicole Psych
Follow Dr. Nicole on X @drnicolepsych
Follow Dr. Nicole on tik tok @drnicolepsych
About The Black Woman’s Confidant
The Black Woman’s Confidant is a sanctuary for successful Black women to take off the cape, prioritize their mental health, and navigate life, leadership, and wellness with authenticity. Hosted by physician and speaker Dr. Nicole Washington.
#BlackLove #MarriageAfterCareer #Dr.Toya #HighAchievingWomen #RelationshipNonNegotiables #BlackWomansConfidant #RelationalWellness #marriageandmotherhood
